Blog Post

Catfishing; How to Avoid Being the Fresh Bait of The Day 

  • By Cheryl Guidry
  • 25 Jan, 2019

There is a not so new scheme that is taking the online dating community by storm called catfishing.

Catfishing is the online trickery that involves a con artist who very eloquently, takes on another person’s identity by stealing photos or creates a new online identity and seeks out the weaknesses of unlikely strangers seeking a loving relationship. Many of whom end up being a victim of identity fraud, having their bank accounts emptied or who give away their money willingly believing they are in a committed relationship.

These scammers are no dummies, they have all the time in the world to research their victims. To avoid being cat fish bait consider the following tips to protect yourself.

Refrain from beginning your online dating venture when in a vulnerable state. If you are newly widowed, divorced, or have been involved in a recent break-up your heart is in an unguarded state. These con artists have the perfect persona to lure you, because usually in this state of mind you are lonely, craving romance initially or just great conversation.  You can easily be attracted to anyone that not only gives you compliments but who pretends to really care about you. They pretend to be that perfect potential partner, everything you ever wanted, even if they have only known you for a short period of time.

 

Research their profile, if they are portraying a popular celebrity or have a profile with a limited friends list, beware. It is very unlikely that your celebrity crush has searched the social media and just happened to strike a conversation with you and has fallen head over heels for you in their spare time. Also, most people that have a social media account have 50 or more contacts at the least, so if you see 2 contacts and very few pictures the likely hood of them having a legitimate profile is questionable.

 

Question the perfect profile picture. Let’s be realistic, If the physic on the profile seems unbelievable for the stated age, just know if it looks too good to be true it probably is. Most men above 50 do not have a perfect physic unless they are extremely athletic. So, if the head does not match the body, there most likely has been alteration to the profile picture.

 

Do not fall for the sob stories of sudden financial distress. It amazes me how many women fall for this tactic. I watch the various court shows and the number of women who get caught doing this is amazing. Early on these men always have some financial crises and need to borrow money, first in small amounts then progressively larger amounts, yet they have never met the woman.   Women have given $5,000 $20,000, $80,000, have wiped out entire retirement savings or even lost their homes and they have never met the person they are being romanced by online. This should raise an immediate red flag and lead you back to #1 of this list. Refrain from dating in a vulnerable state. Should you encounter such person, unfriend them immediately and block or report to the local police.

 

Be wary, if you have been dating online for over 6 months and there is always an excuse to avoid a face-to face meeting.  There is always a last-minute meeting, or they must go out of town or there is a unexpectant family member illness, usually the mother. A catfish will always avoid at all costs giving you a visual meeting especially if it will expose, they are not who they claim to be. 10- 30% of members on FB or dating sites are married. They could have several victims, they are communicating with or they may not even reside in the same country as you.

 

And last if your online love interest describes living a life of luxury, such as having to fly from country to country per private plane in a short period of time. Or works for Deloitte and Touché and delivers the secret ballots for the Gammy awards (true story). Listen to that small voice inside that is shouting this is a crock of poo and is unbelievable, because it most likely is. We have intuition for a reason, it is our built-in alarm system that sounds the alarm when things are just not right. Avoid silencing the alarm before determining if there is a catfish in the midst.

 

Online dating can be fun and a great place to start socializing after a dry spell, if you proceed with caution with all your senses in check. If you would like an initial discovery safe dating consult be sure to contact me for your 45-minute session at Cheryl@safedatingover50.com. Happy dating!

By Cheryl Guidry 24 Jan, 2024
What is Self-Love?

Self-love is more than just a buzzword; it's a profound concept that involves accepting and appreciating oneself for who they are. It goes beyond surface-level affirmations and extends into a deep understanding of one's own needs, values, and aspirations. It's about treating oneself with kindness, compassion, and respect, just as one would treat a dear friend.

What Does Self-Love Look Like in Daily Life?

Manifesting self-love is a dynamic and ongoing process that permeates various aspects of daily life. It can be seen in the way we prioritize self-care, set boundaries, and make choices that align with our well-being. Whether it's saying no to things that drain our energy, taking breaks when needed, or indulging in activities that bring joy, self-love is woven into the fabric of our everyday existence.

Practical Strategies for Practicing Self-Love:

Self-Reflection: Take time regularly to reflect on your thoughts, feelings, and goals. This self-awareness is a fundamental step towards self-love.

Set Boundaries: Learn to say no when necessary, and establish clear boundaries to protect your time and energy.

Prioritize Self-Care: Engage in activities that nurture your mind, body, and soul. This could include exercise, meditation, reading, or spending time with loved ones.

Positive Affirmations: Replace self-critical thoughts with positive affirmations. Remind yourself of your strengths and achievements.

Celebrate Achievements: Acknowledge and celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small. This fosters a sense of pride and boosts self-esteem.

The Impact of Self-Love on Mental and Emotional Health:

Enhanced Resilience: Self-love acts as a buffer against life's challenges. When individuals have a strong foundation of self-love, they are better equipped to navigate setbacks and bounce back from adversity.

Reduced Stress and Anxiety: Embracing self-love reduces the impact of external stressors. By prioritizing one's well-being, individuals can manage stress and anxiety more effectively.

Improved Relationships: When individuals love and value themselves, they are better able to cultivate healthy relationships. Self-love fosters empathy, compassion, and understanding, enhancing the quality of connections with others.

Conclusion:

Remember, self-love is a personal and evolving experience. Celebrate the progress you make and be patient with yourself during moments of growth. As you invest in your well-being, you'll discover the profound impact that self-love can have on your overall quality of life. Take the first step today, and embark on a journey of self-discovery, resilience, and authentic living. You deserve it!
By Cheryl Guidry 26 Jun, 2020
March 11, 2020 COVID-19 was declared a pandemic. Life as we knew it changed. Travel was banned; and social distancing and shelter-in-place rules became part of our lives. If you were not an essential worker, for the first time in your life, you found yourself thrust into isolation. For those who were contemplating dating again or had begun actively dating, a wrench was thrown into that plan. Dating and shelter-in-place didn’t match.
By Cheryl Guidry 17 Sep, 2019

With professionals spending more time in the workplace, it is not uncommon for love to blossom where employees are spending the majority of their days. Office romance in the workplace used to be taboo. But with the 50 plus crowd who continue to work, it is a definite possibility. According to a survey in 2017 completed by Vaut.com a job site, 72% of the employees that have had an office romance or fling were over 50.

So what does this mean when you are looking for love and find it in the office? Let's look at the benefits; one of the problems professional women have when trying to date is they are busy. Well, scheduling a time becomes less of a problem if dating a co-worker. Now you have the possibility of having a lunch or dinner date together.

Another benefit is when you are dating someone at work, you have something in common. So when you are dealing with work-related stress or projects, you have someone to run ideas by that understands what you are experiencing. You may have a little added pep in your step, knowing you have a love interest at work.

The first few weeks of engaging in a new romance are usually getting to know each other. Workplace love allows you to take your time to get to know someone on neutral ground.

Unfortunately, the disadvantages of office romance are many. First, if your employer has a policy against dating in the workplace, you could be jeopardizing your job.

This matter of the heart can be a sticky situation for sure when the relationship goes wrong. As with any breakup, there is a grief process related to the loss. Having to go through that process at a place you have to continually see the person that you have had a breakup with is another thing. A broken romance in the workplace makes it an awkward situation for all involved.

You now become a subject of the office grapevine, you have not privacy, and people are whispering and giving their opinions of the breakup and taking sides.

The emotional toll of the relationship loss in addition to the usual stress of a job can be very significant and has the probability of increased absenteeism, emotional outbursts, loss of productivity on the job and violence.

When the broken relationship is undesirable by one of the two involved, there can claim of sexual harassment.

Since office romance is on the rise among this unique group of women over 50,

it is best to follow this guide should you find yourself involved with a love interest at work.

Know your office policy for workplace romance, be discrete, especially in the beginning be selective of who knows in case the love connection fails to pan out. Refrain from public displays of affection on the job always professionally conducting yourself. Since love in the office is on the rise, and companies are beginning to form policies and educating their employees. Just be mindful, tread lightly, and enjoy the excitement of possibly finding forever love at work.

By Cheryl Guidry 14 Feb, 2019
Valentines Day is upon us again, a day to celebrate romantic love. And usually a day where there is lots of gifting of flowers, chocolate covered strawberries, diamonds and expensive dinners. As a single woman if there is no cupid piercing you with his arrow, This is not a day to withdraw because first true romantic love does not need a special day it should be evident every day in a relationship. And second if you are single this is a perfect day to pour a little extra love on yourself. The list of things to do are numerous but I will list six things that you can do and enjoy on this celebrated day of love.
By Cheryl Guidry 15 Aug, 2018

Well you are not alone, over 60% of Americans have cautiously tread the water of online dating some with great experiences which have led to happy marriages. Some not so great.  Online dating has become very popular in the past decade. It’s generated about $4.8 billion in revenue in 2017 and is expected to increase to $6.1 billion by 2022.   One of the reasons is because talking face to face has become old school. We are more in to social media, too busy, and want immediate gratification with the same outcomes as dating the old fashion way.   

Back in the day a blind date consisted of family or friends inviting 2 unacquainted single friends along to a group event who that they thought would be a good match.  The benefits of this method where you knew if not immediately within 2 hours of conversation whether you were interested in making a connection with this person or not.   You knew if you were visually attracted, or if they engaged in decent conversation. You could read body language and tell if they were fabricating what they were presenting to you. You could also see individuals at face value and tell if things said or if it were a crock. That is, if you were a good listener and observant.    

The down side if you are not a big talker or were immediately not interested there probably was not much conversation. Online dating allows for the individuals to feel more incognito to a certain extent. With online dating, You must believe some of what you see and hear until confirmed.  Nothing will replace one on one interaction. There are dating services that just about fit every need, “dating over 40, 50, or 60”, Christian dating, Gay dating, Jewish dating and the list goes on. And I am sure they have upped their ability to attract some very honest people like yourself allowing them to find their soul mates. But regardless of the site you explore, or how much money you invest, there is no substitution for putting in some work if you are going to date safely over 50.  

If you are a woman over 50 you must be cognizant of the mind games people play and the little white lies versus the out right lies that are shared in the name of love. Unfortunately, there are immature men even at our age.  So, before you log in and build your profile there are a few things you should consider.

Purchase a journal, pour your favorite relaxing beverage of choice

Review and jot down your purpose for dating and what kind of guy you are looking for as you begin your search. Are you seeking a casual hook-up, a friend  to go to dinner and a movie or long-term companionship/marriage?

Have fun as you meet new people. Be confident in who you are, let your little light shine and be honest

The old saying “You’ve come a long baby” applies here. Use the wisdom of your years and portray who you are and keep the conversation going because this is the time to engage in mature adult conversation. No need to be shy If there is not a spark, nothing is lost. Remember confident happy people attract other confident happy people.

There are no perfect men, and neither are you

Unless the person exhibits personality traits that are on the type of your deal breaker list, do not judge based on past relationships, relax be friends and keep talking this could be your diamond in the rough.

Refrain from bashing your Ex, or failed relationships

No one wants to hear your baggage. You know where you have been and what you will and will not put up with. It gives clues about where you are in your healing process. Showing you are not over your past hurts can drive a potential good partner away.

Do not disclose your financial status, or ask too many questions up front about the person you are getting to know

You do not want to appear like a gold-digger, which will cause them to Run!  On the other hand, if you are asked too many questions around your finances …Run!! Too many women have been bamboozled out of their life savings over financial sob stories.  Financial questions should come only if or when you are thinking there is a match and marriage discussion happening.  This should not happen in the first few conversations. Take your time!

First dates if you decide to meet should be in a public place, you drive your car he drives his. And always let someone know where you are and when you expect to be home.

Safety is paramount always first, this way if things do not go as you hoped you can call it a night and part ways on a friendly note.

Dress appropriate for what you are trying to attract

Ask your self am I attracting a hook-up or a long- term relationship? Even if you have the body of a 30-year-old keep it tasteful.  Leave a little to the imagination.

If you make a connection, before you get invested do a background check, No I did not stutter, I repeat, do a background check.

I believe the average person is honest, but there are many who are not, and you are just checking to make sure this person does not have a record of abuse or some type of fraud

  Listen to your intuition, if it sounds like a lie it probably is.  If it does not feel right, there is a reason

Intuition is built in for a reason, if something does not sound right or makes you go hmmm, most times more research is needed. Beware

Online Dating over 50 does not have to be intimidating, if you take your time. It’s OK to have fun meeting interesting people. You just never know you may just find your Mr. Right. 😊

By Cheryl Guidry 06 Jul, 2018

You may have “Waited to Exhale” and now you have achieved it more than once, in the form of a pity party, a divorce party, or a celebratory trip with the girls, and have had enough time to pass for you to settle into a routine of being by yourself. But you lack the luster and happiness you once had you have settled into a routine of going to work and home, or to work home, exercise and church. 

At this phase of your life you do not want to waste one minute, because no one is promised tomorrow. To go from loneliness to happiness follow these 5 steps.

1. Look in the mirror each morning and tell yourself 1 positive affirmation. Positive affirmations can work to boost your self-esteem, change your mood and put in in a positive mind set before starting your day. But before doing so I suggest writing in your journal the top 5 negative thoughts you have about yourself and then switch them to a positive affirmation. For example, one negative thought that lingered in the back of my mind as I struggled to work towards my goal amid a divorce, was “although you will work hard you will not succeed because you have too much going on.” I am a religious person and despite all the turmoil that I was enduring each day I began saying to myself “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” The more I said it the more I believed it, the more I believed it the more determined and stronger I became. So, if you are in search of an authentic relationship although up to now you have been in a relationship in which you felt unloved.   Make up a positive affirmation to recite such as I am beautiful, I am intelligent, and the man of my dreams will find me.” Say it several times a day, believe it and carry yourself like you believe it. You will attract what you Believe you are worthy of receiving.

2. Surround yourself with happy people, that laugh often. Birds of a feather flock together. If you are spending time with people with negative energy, who are not happy with themselves, you will at some point begin the negative talk. But if you surround yourself with people who are happy and living their life to the fullest you will find yourself feeling happier each day, laughing more and you will eventually attract the company you are seeking. No one wants to be around a grouchy, sad, negative person. After my divorce I surrounded myself with people who made me want to laugh even when some days I did not feel like laughing, such as a close college girlfriend and the staff I worked with each day who were always good at making me want to laugh sometimes to the point of crying.

3. Dress to impress yourself. Have you ever noticed when you are feeling down, and lonely you tend to dress the part? You do not get your hair and nails done as often you where the hell out of sweat pants and you tell yourself you are not trying to impress anyone. The hell with that girl, put on some up-beat music dance while you are cleaning house to music you loved, stand in front of your mirror and do the moves you used to do to that song. I guarantee that will have you cracking up. To this very day over 40 years since I was in undergrad school. I will call my college friend who I went to the Friday night dances in the campus gym to tell her what song was on my radio and what dance I was doing and we both will burst out laughing. Then dress to impress yourself and go get your Manicure and Pedicure and notice how many more pleasant people speak to you because you are exuding such a spirit of happiness.

4. Get out of the house and do something fun you always wanted to do. For me it was swing out dance lessons something I had put aside for years because I believed I needed someone to do it with. Dance lessons do 2 things if breaks the monotony you may have settled into after a break-up or a dry spell, it stimulates your brain cells and puts you in the company of fun people like yourself seeking a great time. If dancing is not your thing it could be bowling, a hiking club, or a travel group the sky’s the limit if it is something that puts you amid other positive people and puts a smile on your face.

5. Never give up on the possibility of finding love in your life again. If you have been in several bad relationships get help finding out why you find yourself in the same relationships. Be willing to dig deeper and do the work to make changes. Because when love finds you, and you take the time do the work to make sure you have a good match and you leave the past relationship baggage in your past. Then and only then will you find true love and begin each day with a smile because you will have been found by the Boaz of your dreams.

If you are ready to do the work be sure to email me for a free consultation at cheryl@safedatingover50.com and remember find the laughter in your life again.

By Cheryl Guidry 09 Nov, 2017
Have you ever been in a relationship that you wondered how the hell you got there? You find yourself asking, what did do to deserve this? You chose the man you thought was the “perfect fit” for you.
By Cheryl Guidry 09 Nov, 2017
After twenty-two years of marriage I found myself starting over. Although happy for the peace of mind, afterwards I realized I had no clue who I was. I had married at 22, twin boys at 23, a daughter at 24 and another son at 29.
By Cheryl Guidry 09 Nov, 2017
So, you think you're finally ready to start over. It's been 20, 30, and in some cases 40 plus years since you began your last relationship.
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